There are times when you thought you have made the right decision for your patients. Those who initially responded to the treatment plans you have prescribed, but later deteriorated right under your watch.
****
It was my last on-call before the new year. We were in an elevator on our way to the 3rd floor where the operating theatres were located. The patient was a lady of early 40's. She has bubbly personality and liked to talk to the staffs.
"I feel so tired and sleepy, I want to sleep just for a while." Her voice was weak and shaky. The fact that she was no longer chatty made me worry.
"No, not yet Kak, you have to stay awake. Open your eyes, stay with me" I held her right hand tightly as I stole a glance at the portable monitor displaying her low blood pressure. She looked pale from having lost some amount of blood. Earlier, she had undergone a procedure that went into complication. The blood transfusion was in progress as we wheeled her into Emergency OT 2.
"Okay Kak, you are going to have the surgery now." I whispered to her while manually ventilate her with oxygen. She nodded, giving me the sign that she was ready. I asked her to mengucap before I pushed in the intravenous sedative and induction agents.
With the Etomidate now flowing through her veins, her eyes were no longer focusing on me and she gently closed her eyelids.
The surgical team worked very hard to fix the problem. During the surgery she went into arrhythmia. The surgeons moved away from the table while we resuscitate and defibrillate her back into sinus rhythm.
Although the surgery was a success, she did not regain back her conscious. Over the next few days I watched her lying on the ICU bed connected to a ventilator, fighting for her life. Until one morning I came to work and found out that her bed had been occupied by a new patient. Her nurse told me that she had pass away late last night.
****
It was my last on-call before the new year. We were in an elevator on our way to the 3rd floor where the operating theatres were located. The patient was a lady of early 40's. She has bubbly personality and liked to talk to the staffs.
"I feel so tired and sleepy, I want to sleep just for a while." Her voice was weak and shaky. The fact that she was no longer chatty made me worry.
"No, not yet Kak, you have to stay awake. Open your eyes, stay with me" I held her right hand tightly as I stole a glance at the portable monitor displaying her low blood pressure. She looked pale from having lost some amount of blood. Earlier, she had undergone a procedure that went into complication. The blood transfusion was in progress as we wheeled her into Emergency OT 2.
"Okay Kak, you are going to have the surgery now." I whispered to her while manually ventilate her with oxygen. She nodded, giving me the sign that she was ready. I asked her to mengucap before I pushed in the intravenous sedative and induction agents.
With the Etomidate now flowing through her veins, her eyes were no longer focusing on me and she gently closed her eyelids.
The surgical team worked very hard to fix the problem. During the surgery she went into arrhythmia. The surgeons moved away from the table while we resuscitate and defibrillate her back into sinus rhythm.
Although the surgery was a success, she did not regain back her conscious. Over the next few days I watched her lying on the ICU bed connected to a ventilator, fighting for her life. Until one morning I came to work and found out that her bed had been occupied by a new patient. Her nurse told me that she had pass away late last night.
****
She had gone for nearly 5 years now, yet at times the thought of her linger in my mind. She never had the chance to say goodbye to her loved ones. The last person she saw before I put her into sleep, was not the image of her husband or her 2 young children...
... but a face of a stranger in which she put her hope and trust. Sometimes, I could not help but to feel that the stranger had let her down.
****
7 comments:
If what you did was nothing but your best, you wouldn't have even let God down.
HE just had better plans.
..Effa Mas, pakmat second that..so take heart, doc..some things are just beyond the ken of us ordinary mortals..
Dear Tranquility,
You need counseling from a cat. OK, take a deep breath, close your eyes, now hold your breath.
.....slobber slobber slobber (sounds of Brad licking your face)
....mmmwwwaahhh mmmmmwwwwaaahhh mmmmwwwwaaahhh (sounds of Brad kissing your face)
Sorry mate, Brad has bad breath.
You need to forgive yourself, mate. Don't be too hard on yourself.
purrr....meow!
Dear Dr T,
Someone once gave me this piece of advice, and I'd like to pass it on to you to help put things in perspective sedikit, ok:
"For every 100 choices you make,
50 will be right,
and 50 will be wrong.
The 50 choices that are right, take of themselves.
Of the 50 that are wrong,
45 of them you will be able to change to make right...
Only 5 will be cast in stone and remain with us.
With those 5, you just have to learn to accept them, move on,
and live life to spite them
In other words, Doc, sit back and think of all the lives that you have helped and saved over the years. We can only give our very best. God has the ultimate say.
Keep well, doc
Its been FIVE years, Dr T?
Wow! To have met a stranger whose memory of her is kept alive all these years, worthy of a mention in cyberspace, I'd say lady luck was by her side. Given that death is very much a part of life. Inescapable.
What a stranger! :)
Hope you are ok.....
Effa: He is the perfect planner.
Pak Mat: You are so cool.
CIS: I hope Brad is at least a heterosexual cat.
Andrea: I'm pretty bad in math. But those figures look convincing enough.
Pat: In memories laid some pain.
Ched: Must be February. It always gets to me.
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