31 July 2009

"Houston, we got problem"

Osmivir / Tamiflu - 75mg twice a day

As per yesterday..

1266 cases

47 new cases. All local transmissions.

4 deaths - the latest being a 20 year old woman. She died at her prime.

On the other hand, it's my turn to be in charge of the H1N1 cases in this hospital.

This morning, one of my colleague who's handling H1N1 with me was rushed to the emergency department for cough and shortness of breath.

The enemy is a lot closer than I think before.

Right now I'm staring at them everyday. If anything gonna happen it's gonna be a bloody murder in first degree. It's going to be a point blank shot.

Come to think of it, I can't shake off this headache and mild fever since this morning.


27 July 2009

Beautiful imperfection

"My wife's been dead two years, Will. And when I think about her, those are the things I think about most. Little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. Those made her my wife. And she had the goods on me too. Little things I do out of habit. People call these things imperfections Will. But the truth is they are not, and that's the beauty of it" - Good Will Hunting.

"And we get to choose who we're going to let into our weird little worlds. You're not perfect. And let me save you the suspense, this girl you met isn't either. The question is, whether or not you're perfect for each other. You can know everything in the world, but the only way you're findin' that one out is by giving it a shot" - GWH

"Baby, now we are going to check whether you are snoring or you are not, this is the proof. Let's go, follow me" - The angel I met on Baker Street.


Yasmin. Thank you.

25 July 2009

The story teller

(illustration showing blood clot within brain tissue)

Yasmin Ahmad is admitted for an intracerebral haemorrhage. A not so friendly term for the brain I'm afraid. The bleeding inside the brain could easily displaced the brain tissue creating an oedema (swelling) which could give rise to increasing pressure within the rigid skull. A surgery usually neeed to be done to release some of that pressure. I'm sure the attending doctors are doing cerebral protection aka 'resting her brain from further insult' by keeping her on the ventilator.

I do not know her personally however as far as her work in concern, she's a talented film maker. Some of her stuff are purely classic, educating and catchy in many ways, especially the short ads for TV. A Malaysian story-teller. This is my favourite, when after watching it made me wanna pick up that phone and called my parents.

Yasmin, you get well my friend.

22 July 2009


I don't believe in perfection. But I do want to believe in happiness. At this point of time that happiness seems so distant. All my life I have tried to do the right thing. I've failed before, yes. And I have made several mistakes in my life. I hope that one day I could find that happiness in this life. To have someone that could really like me for what I am, my strengths and my flaws. A woman that could cherish and honour me the way I honour and cherish her presence in my life. That's all I need, a person that I could really trust.

As for now I think the only thing I could do on my part now is to become a better me.

A better man.

21 July 2009


It's me again, same man, bit older and wiser I hope. Just got back from the no-man's land, all bruised, black and blue. As I said there is no certainty in life, you gonna either end up alone or you could end up meeting someone, fall in love and if you're lucky that person will love you back the same way.
In this regard, you sir! Yes you know who you are and you gave me some solid points back then. Which I just didn't want to listen. So padan muka saya!

I believe that a relationship needs to be nurtured so it could blossom into something meaningful, like everything good in life, it takes time to grow. Alas! Unfortunately it can be ruined by one single night (or two if you like).

You need to respect and trust that person. Fuck everything else, even love is allowed to come later. Those are the basis of a strong partnership. When those are cemented, nothing could shake it not even the the devil or the deep blue sea.

If you cannot trust the one you care, then forget everything else. And when you eventually do stop caring, then the relationship is in deep shit, and when shit hits the fan, even the McD Mozarella dippers gonna be in your top list rather than that person.

Am I preaching..? I hope not. Because I'm not qualified enough to give an intellectual insight on that matter of importance between the two gender. Perhaps I need 4 - 6 breakups before I could write a thesis on "Love and lies: Revisited".

But what I do know, early this morning I found this clip, which I could relate to. But that was before a phone call came through and make me think that after all that had happened, something good may still be possible. Only if you could nurture back the trust and respect.

Oh crap! When I feel much better. I'm gonna take down the clip. That is just my pain doing a puppy face impression.

20 July 2009


I find it easy to engage in some major deep thinking when I'm ironing my shirts. I find the action itself has a calming effect on me despite the hot blazing surface on the other side of the metal in my hand. With every corner and crease of that cloth finely pressed while manouvering it to every crease and pleat my mind would assess every bits of information from every fold of the 34 year old temporal cortex.

This morning, I found myself ironing a lot longer that I had to.

17 July 2009

Being that cool man

Once, I told her "I'm going to live in the moments, that I don't want to think too much about how this relationship going to end up in the future."

However, these last 4 weeks taught me that it is easier to utter those words than walking in it.

For the old saying that there is no certainty in life except for death and taxes. I've learned those words like hundred of years ago. But I somehow managed to appreciate the true meaning of it lately. The feeling can be unbearable sometime that I wish I could have a heart made of adamantium. Poor mortal soul like me would never learn his lesson until I got shot in the spleen with thousand of poisonous darts made by Mr Umpa Lumpa from the lost tribe of Inca civilisation.

As much as I wanted to 'turn on my self-defence mode' few days ago, and be that cool man with a half burnt ciggie in my right hand, and proudly announced to my internal organs that the name of the game has changed.

Or has it changed?

She had just left me a couple of hours ago, crossing thousand of miles back to her city. If it is true that the name of the game has changed, how come part of me is now longing for her scent and presence.

I think I can see her now sitting in my balcony looking away.

13 July 2009

Dengue fever

She complained of slight fever, followed by muscle and joint ache.

I should have known better.

Those are the signs of the potentially fatal viral illness.

We went to hospital, true enough her platelet counts dropped to 25,000.

"Dear, you have dengue" I uttered the dreadful words.

The next 3 days were some of the 'toughest days' of my life, seeing the one you care about laying in the hospital bed.

11 July 2009

4th of July 2009

We had dinner at KL tower. I was looking for a more romantic spot, perhaps a more quiet surrounding. Instead we got a nice asoh who kept coughing every 15 mins next to our table.

The menu was just all right. My taste bud was hungrier for more exotic delicacy, however in the end I realised that all of those were just not as important as her presence there with me. And the scenery, well it was still breathtaking as ever.

Finally, the red box was on the table. She looked surprised. She opened it and smiled.

"I love it. Thank you dear" She smiled.

That was one of the best night of my life.

01 July 2009


6.7 billion world population.
28 million lives in Malaysia.
8 million resides in Klang valley.

What is the chance of meeting, falling for and 'go crazy' toward someone who feels the same way towards you? I'm not here to give the answer. Some questions are best left unanswered. Ignorance is sometime a bliss.

I've found the person I was searching for, if for any reason it doesn't work out. Then I'm out of this game. But by God, before the cupid is shot dead, before the last candle flamed out, before the love in her eyes fade away...
...I would do anything to make it work.

And where's that letter that supposed to arrive 3 weeks ago. I need it very badly.